Dear Leila,

You are turning five next week.  Your first day of Kindergarten is near.  I am speechless, yet feel so many emotions.  As with so many other things I've experienced as a parent, this is a happy time, but very sad for me too.  And lucky you, you get to continue to be my guinea pig as I figure out motherhood, maybe not day by day anymore, but situation by situation.  I see Zoe and I see you in her, and I wonder how you could be FIVE already.  Wasn't it you that was just learning to sit, getting your first teeth, and eating everything in sight? (Oh wait, you still are quite the eater!)  I look at her sometimes, and I miss you being that age.  And the truth is that as you grow up, I'm constantly having to say goodbye to a version of you that I'll never be with again.  And it makes me cry.  Daddy thinks I'm a bit crazy (and he's probably right!) and yes, I know how great this next chapter will be for you, and for me.  I love every age of you because I get to discover more about you and watch you discover more about yourself.

Here's a bit of what I know about you as your start this new chapter:
- you don't let fear stop you from getting what you want (I love this so much about you because it is so different from me and I admire you for it)
- when you decide you want to succeed, you won't accept failure
- you are always the sweetest friend...you are easygoing with friends
- you are wickedly smart with a memory that forgets nothing (excepts people's names)
- you want to always to the right thing and make your family proud
- you were born to be a big sister...you include your brother in most of your playing, absolutely adore your sister and take such good care of her, and you find such joy in teaching them both
- you are a home body
- you used to be the shyest girl in the room, but now you make a new friend everywhere we go
- you love performing
- you love being girly; mostly wear dresses, love "getting ready," putting on mommy's makeup, painting your nails, and buying shoes
- you are very sensitive
- you hate saying goodbye to people and sometimes things
- you love t.v. very, very much
- your imagination has no limits; you amaze me at the stories you come up with!
- you make your Daddy and me so proud

Sometimes you tell me how badly you want to be a baby or a toddler again, and I want that too, but then look at all these things you have become....and you are just FIVE.  If I went back in time, I'd just miss so many things about who you are now!  It seems to be a no win situation, EXCEPT that I do win.  I've had the opportunity to watch you nearly every single day of your life become this almost Kindergartner.  And I know this may sound like a dramatic letter for a five year old, but this feels like a big step in both of our lives.  This is the beginning of an exciting new chapter for you. and on that first day, when I walk you up to those big front doors of River Woods I will smile so big for you, but know that I'm going to miss you.  So much.

My Bellsy, you are beyond wonderful.

I love you,
Mommy